Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Missing buddy

Feels like a lifetime since I've seen him. Missing him so badly its killing me. Fortunately, I move back to SD and family soon. Hopefully will help assuage the anguish. These past few months have been brutally lonely without my baby boy. Going to be bittersweet coming back to PETCO without him by my side.

I like this picture, with him so close by my side in our bed. He was always right there for so long.

What haunts me now is the feeling I didn't do enough in his waning hours. I could have come home on more lunch breaks; could have taken him to the park more; could have gotten him more testing and treatment; could have given him more treats, I still have some sitting on my desk right now...

Monday, May 4, 2009

2 Months

Today is 2 months since my dog J passed away. I've been keeping this picture to myself, but its too charming a smile not share.
This is from last Christmas. Those are my brother's feet. You can tell how happy he is to be around his family. Here's another pic from Christmas.
I forgot his customary Christmas antlers and jinglers so we settled for decorating him with ribbons from opened presents.

I intended to put a post out on April 1st, his birthday, but it was too rough a day for me. I had the day off and took him, well his ashes, to the park. Thought it would be cathartic, and it was. Here he is on a bench at the park.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

found some more pics

picked up his ashes today, hard to believe that its been a week already...

Sunday, March 8, 2009


trying to find all the pictures I can

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Goodbye J

Yesterday, March 4th 2009, my best friend, child, and constant companion passed away. After 2 months of fighting cancer, he had given me all he had left to give. In April he would have turned 11 years old.

Here is a picture from happier days at the dog park in Redondo Beach that he loved so much.

Over the last two months we took lots of long walks together. He always wanted to keep going. Getting him to go back to our apartment usually involved a bit of a tug-a-war. We didn't go into the dog park much, since I didn't want him rough-housing like he would usually try to do. However, we did go to the park. Here he is relaxing under a tree with me on one of those walks.

Yesterday I called into work because he had cried all night and I wanted to stay with him. A little after 11AM I took him outside to do his business. I thought we would just go to the front yard as he was having trouble walking, but he wanted to go to the park. Reluctantly, slowly, I let him lead me there.

The dog park was closed for the usual Wednesday morning maintenance. So we snuck in through a side entrance. We plodded around the usual sniffing spots until we reached the end of the park. There he lied down. We sat there for a long while enjoying the warm sun and cool breeze. The small bottom part of the park has a gate which I closed so we could have some privacy as the park had opened and many dogs had showed up. I went to get a water bowl from the watering station as it was quite warm out and he was panting. He just laid there, waiting for me to return.

On my way back a lady that I had not met before stopped me to ask if everything was OK. She wanted to know if he had passed. I said no, but I thought he was close. I thought maybe I would let him pass there in the park, but she convinved me to take him to the vet. Here he is basking in the sun for his last time.

So I carried him to her car, stopping several times to rest. He's kinda heavy and it was several hundred yards to her car. She drove me home where I picked up my keys and stuff and then drove him to the vet. They put down a blanket for him and we laid there for a long time as I agonized over the decision I was being forced to make. Eventually, after a couple phone calls and realizing that he wasn't going to get back up, I told the vet I was ready. The three of us (the lady from the park followed me to vet office) gently pet him as his his breathing relaxed and the light slowly faded from his beautiful brown eyes.

Goodbye J, my best friend, my baby boy, my love.